Measurement of a Man: Motors, Horse Power, Mufflers and More
I have several significant men in my life that are all very distinct. In order to size them up, I have used the relationships that each of them has with cars in order to understand them a little better.
My father has now retired, but was a professional geologist. He has ever been really outdoorsy. He’s known for chipping a stone here, collect a fossil over there. He is definitely a man’s man, but has never been very fond of any kind of machinery. Gears and engines have a way of revealing his inner beast even though he is a real gentleman. I can recall times when I was very young, watching my dad with his head under the hood of a car and hearing him cussing at the Industrial Age.
Dad would switch tires on our VW camper vans when necessary, but would never have been one to fawn over chrome grill work or aftermarket center caps. He might pour some H2O in the radiator or dab Rust-oleum on rusted patches on our van, but scrubbing headlights with toothbrushes or running Q-Tips around dashboard knobs were not matters that happened in our garage.
My father-in-law, on the other hand, is a auto man all the way. He knows make, model and year of everything that’s in all likelihood ever travelled the Pennsylvania turnpike. Scouring whitewalls or ogling a 1962 Chevy at the Antique Car Club rally is his idea of a well-spent Afternoon.
He graduated quickly from a teething ring to a pitchfork and wrench while growing up in a rural area of Pennsylvania. Learning all about animal husbandry and the ABCs of automobile mechanics was expected of young farm boys. His interest in things with gizmos, wheels, and engines seemed to stick even though any affection for animals did not. He made the choice to leave the farm and go to university and he never looked back.
My hubby is also a professor; just like both of our dads, but that is the only thing they share. He doesn’t like to go camping, carefully cleaning his cars, or collecting rocks. He loves to pass his Saturday marking papers as he sips fancy java drinks at Starbucks.
He puts gasoline in the car, but would be more inclined to keep his Ford center caps as paperweights in his office before he would pimp his ride with them. No disrespect if you’re a center cap mind you. He takes the time to vacuum-clean his car every other season and doesn’t mind riding around with the words “wash me” scribbled someplace in the grime on his car.
Our daughter’s boyfriend is just like my father in law, but a little more juiced. He got a high performance muffler kit as a gift last month and has been thrilled ever since beyond his exhaust growls deeply. You can tell that our daughter is in the throes of love when you listen to her talk about how you can hear him coming from a mile away.
It’s true that men and the relationships they have with their automobiles are complex. It seems that these relationships can be an reflection of some men’s masculinity, while other men treat their cars as an adversary that’s a nuisance that must be conquered or suffered.
Some name their cars, and others blaspheme them. Some handle their vehicles with TLC, while others declare bragging rights because their car or truck is beaten or has the most mileage. Car tales are exchanged over beers, like war stories used to be shared around a campfire.
This is the reason the auto industry can sell billions of dollars worth of window tinting, aftermarket center caps, dash accessories, chrome, seat covers, wheels, car alarms, backup sensors, hoods, exhausts, and decals.
Whether the wheels in the drive are fodder for cursing or cooing, I think there’s some inescapable mechanical mojo going on - Kind of like to “If you build it, he will come.”
Filed under: John's Message